Atlanta Barbies

Something for the local folk. Heck, I live here, so it might be nice to post something about Atlanta once in a while.

Mattell Inc. announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Atlanta area:
Riverdale Barbie-que:
This barbie comes in brown or black with fourteen interchangeable hair weaves, seven sets of multi-colored press on nails and hoop earrings. Complete with her 1985 Cutlass Supreme Limited in speckled purple and spinner rims, and includes her mo-fo Kenneth (aka Lil' K). Optional bling bling accessory kit available. Barbie-que comes with up to 7 children (no car seats or seat belts required). Also included, gold teeth with the "Yo Momma" accessory kit.

Peachtree City Barbie:
Comes with a built-in voice recorder that whines "If Delta files bankruptcy - I'll have to get a real job!" Also included, a club car golf cart, and a church of your dominational choosing bumper sticker. Wal-Mart Super Center play set sold separately. Delta Pilot Ken is stuck in traffic at the intersection of Hwy. 74 and Hwy. 54, and will not be available until Fall 2006.

Fayetteville Barbie:
Comes with a loaded SUV of your choice, with Navigation System, DVD player, and built-in car seat. Also included, large "to-go" cups of Chick-fil-A sweet tea, and cell phone with Destiny's Child "Survivor" ring tone. Cheating (but Christian) Ken is included with golf clubs and Chevy truck. Compact hand gun hidden in purse for shopping at the Pavillion sold separately.

Griffin Barbie:
This trashy babe comes with 80 acres for her doublewide trailer play set, 3 dogs, and a Polaroid of her brother who is currently serving 3-5 for Meth possession, drunken and disorderly and urination on a government vehicle. 1990 Ford pickup with tinted windows (so she won't be seen with Fayetteville's Cheating Ken) sold separately.

McDonough Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt (bra not included) and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.

Douglasville Barbie:
This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Griffin Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: tape player equipped with Bon Jovi and a 1989 Camaro with T-Tops.

Southeast Atlanta Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a stolen Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit.This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop.Then we don't know what you're talking about.

Marietta Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily south of Roswell Road and has no full-time occupation. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version. Optional matching tennis outfit.

Buckhead Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.

Dunwoody Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the club.Percocet prescription available.

Piedmont Park Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and arch-less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and an adopted mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow."

And of course you can't forget: Midtown Barbie - who's actually a feminine Ken doll complete with his "partner" Steve doll. Comes with tickets to Bette Midler and Cher and Ken's very own manicure kit. Also comes with their pet dog with diamond collar. Ken is an architect and Steve is well-known hair dresser to the Buckhead Barbies.