H/t sciforums.com because, well, because I can.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No … I am your father!
Luke: No. It can’t be. That’s not true. That’s impossible!
Darth Vader: Search your feelings, you know them to be true.
Luke: NOOOOOO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true… and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7 years old.
Luke: NOOOOO! … Wait, huh?
Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp…
Luke: But… I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody loved me… waahhh wahhh!”
Luke: Shut up!
Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi Knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon.
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… the only human to ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.
Darth Vader: And get a haircut!
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No … I am your father!
Luke: No. It can’t be. That’s not true. That’s impossible!
Darth Vader: Search your feelings, you know them to be true.
Luke: NOOOOOO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true… and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7 years old.
Luke: NOOOOO! … Wait, huh?
Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp…
Luke: But… I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody loved me… waahhh wahhh!”
Luke: Shut up!
Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi Knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon.
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… the only human to ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.
Darth Vader: And get a haircut!
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